My mental

Sitted in my corner , thinking and dreaming
They all say that seeing is believing
I guess I’m blind cause
My life is filled with all these statements beginning with suppose
Suppose papa was here
Maybe this would have been my year
But he left ,and with all of them
Leaving depression and migraines as my only best friends

I have an empty stare to call my own
Wondering why all this cause this isn’t what I had sown
The numerous marks on my skin
An understatement to what I go through everyday
Pin drop silence
I think everyone needs an extra lens
To see all that I don’t say
When my patience is at a max but it doesn’t pay
When I ask for piece of mind so that my head I can lay

I’m unsure anymore
Of what is happening now and before
I’m sure I’m alive
At least I think I can count to five
Or maybe my overthinking can be termed as critical
And the signs of my state are visible
Cause eventhough my thoughts might be lyrical
Getting them back together again will be impossible

I’m dying slowly but I can’t say
Cause my story will be given a funny caption
Then I trend for all the wrong reasons
Some earn their pay
As I fall into more suicidal temptations
And hope that they only last for a few seasons
I wish I had a variety of options
But for now ,I only choose one ,with odd opposition

My disadvantage was to be born at a time
When people would watch me walk to the edge like a free mime
And record as I fall to my demise
And they ask why did he do it, with a big suprise
He had a bright future ahead of time ,he was gonna rise
But no one would even ask what you go through, even the wise
With the smile on my face , but grief in disguise
No one ever gets it ,not even the wise

We all live a lie
We try to hide the depression deep inside
By posting happy pictures of us eatingaaaaA pieaa
But not always does it abide
We get so caught up in what people think about us
That we can’t see the huge build up of pus
Slowly killing us ,from inside
We forget that when we die
They forget us without a sigh

It’s probably a matter of time
Before skin meets sand
And destroyed is my youthful prime
Maybe later I’ll be part of someone’s land
But before I head back to my therapy session
Just remember this …………..🥲

🥲the story I had to let out

https://3dpoetry2.wordpress.com/2021/11/15/%f0%9f%a5%b2the-story-i-had-to-let-out/

My self 🥲🥲🥲

I wish I was different
Everytime I wake up,stare at the mirror and feel I’m incompetent
I think I should break it so it seems like my life
They say when I wake up ,I lack the urge
And when I walk ,I’m short of a power surge
They say my eyes open without strife
I lost myself trying to find me
Now my thoughts are jumbled up about what I wanna be

I thought trust was necessary
I know it’s what helped the missionary
It was given to me in excess
I thought I was lucky ,only to grow with a lot of regrets
It’s killing me ,I think I need an ambulance
Cause my suffering is all but a consequence….
I keep asking myself why ,in the night
Till I fall asleep,eyes drained,only to be awoken by light

When I was young they said Father Fate had plans for me
I wish I could change them
I wish I could have limits
Sometimes maybe look at my life at a different angle
Maybe then I’d be who I wanted to be
Maybe then I would know that you shouldn’t trust too easily
I should have thought about the consequences of my actions
Those which I’m still sad they were a part of my portion

Every day I’m sitted thinking
Of all that’s happening
I drink my filled cup of sorrow for breakfast
And maybe have a real meal after the one is past
I had a talk with depression,he said he’s tired of me ,ain’t it
He needs a break ,but he keeps coming back
He doesn’t wanna go ,won’t grant it
The chance to take me hostage but I’m alone and he’s a pack

My head hurts but the pain is normal nowadays
Cause the pain is there always
My mind and body not in sync ,it’s sickening
Cause I look at my past and think it’s frightening
I view my survival as a privilege from God ,true testiment
Cause my smile often is fake ,to seem descent
I look for help from God
He’s the only help I need no money to afford

My demons left ,they said I’m too lonely
They wonder how after all this ,how I’m still walking
How I can have a conversation and end up laughing
They come back when I’m alone
They hurt me bad and don’t even say sorry
My feeling is unexplainable ,not even explainable by jumbled up words on my phone

🥲the story I had to let out

One day papa called me on my phone
He Said he wanted a chat and maybe more
I came excited since was alone
And my body sore
I wanted someone to talk to
I wish I’d call mum too ,that would make two

I wanted to let out all the anguish
And let all my bad thoughts vanish,
I had something to say , something to preach
I guess it’s only for the souls that I could reach
But with each word a lesson to all
I donno why it hurts this bad , maybe one day I’ll take my fall

“Remember all the good times” ,was how I started
These were the first words that came out when my lips parted
Cause no one cares about the good times
Once they get better people
You become a mere memory ,that they turn to when the new become less supple

I guess the issues all point back towards me
I put people super close , closer than they should be
It’s like they wait for complains ,then they change
But that’s a decision made by the head ,not the heart , think about that
From a hello ,how you doing to a hello ,hello ,hello,hello … They’ll answer later
No response , I almost die worried, but do they care? They know better


My papa stares in silence and shock
And his tears he does block
But mine fall ,as free as the wind so kind
I’m sure he wanted to ask a question
How did you get to this position
That’s an answer he would one day find

Oh my God
Did we go too far
Did I hit my car
On a brick wall
You said I act like a mindless dog
And that’s what made the rift

That day it hit different
The end of a bond once I saw magnificent
The tears still well up when I see
My sent are still unread ,it hurts
I know it’s childish, my mind left with only buts

What happened if I wake up dead
Will you know the last word I said ?aaaaaaaaa
Or maybe you’ll think of how
You had the chance to talk to me but you didn’t? Wow !
I still can’t actually believe
How a story so fine could turn sour,like that of Adam and Eve

I guess everyone makes their own decision
And beyond my control,I didn’t even have a condition
🥲But to come to acceptance with the fact
That this wasn’t even governed by a pact
Just by my delirious mind
But the reason why I’m yet to find

Tired in body ,tired in soul
Maybe they need a convert, they still like Saul
But at least my mind learnt something
But still I wonder
Why give someone a false wing
And then you don’t even say hi when all goes asunder

Please 🙏 care for everyone who ever made you happy 🥲show interest even if they bore you, you never know …….🥺

Troubles 😞

The world is a good place
Was all the shenanigans I heard
When I was young ,before I knew how to tie a lace
And when my life required not even a card
No phones ,no lies
But I only had true allies

The people in it ,worse
Maybe for a few ,who none did curse
And pass on the selfish nature
Together with the corruption among those of stature
I ,with many ,hope for a rest
And maybe see a future fest

My soul aches each day
And everyday I always wanna let out all I wanted to say
And say the truth
Maybe my life will be handed to brutes
Or maybe for a week they’ll pretend to care
And leave me worse ,you’d think it was a dare

Alcohol and drugs ,more important
Our initial Love for one another now distant
People kill for a sniff
And away goes their dignity ,like a thief
They slaughter because of a penny
And laugh ,to them it’s funny

Nowadays , people sit and watch
As a friend becomes a stranger
And no longer try to search
For them to see if they ain’t in danger
And as the left ,try to re-establish the connection
It buffers ,and you left on read or seen ,like it’s their new tradition

People play their lovers more than a game
Apparently it gives them entry into their halls of fame
We share ,it’s part of life
That’s what allies say before they try to steal your wife
Cause one ,crushed his heart
And now ,none should dare take part

I’ve always put others before me
How easy for me I wish it could be
I get to attached and that’s an issue
And in the night , I’m left with nothing but my tissue
And my eyes red,and no one does worry
They leave without even a sorry

I fear losing people,so I fight
And try to make them happy
I know I’m not even close to being right
And then they forget you in a way so crappy
I try my best to be a part of their lives
But well ,maybe I’m the bad vibe,maybe it’s always been me

Migraines and heart pain the order of my day
But with my buddies I’m always happy ,and I always have something to say
How I wish I could tell someone
But I know they all gone ,I have none
I wish I could let out all I have in my chest
I wish I could lay it all to rest

Perfect complement ♥️

In my car I’m sitted
Thinking about all that departed
And left with my heart
Leaving me heartless
I guess they did their part
Cause they left me hopeless

My head hurts ,it’s so sadly
My esteem damaged , like so bad
I see all my positivity
Turn to negativity
And its killing all the possibilities
Of my frowns to turn into ecstacies

On the road I remember
All that happened since last December
How a year changed my life
Had three now I have a wife
Back then ,I was young and stupid ,creepy
But now I’m older and maybe a bit sleepy

Staring at the road ,once populated
Now silent, and evacuated
A word made its way through my lips ,through the gap
And I said all that I had,no cap
I’m happy ,in a way
At least I have one who loves me for real,not one who would just say

Staring at the vast emptiness
My heart fixed ,but not fully
And I stare dully
At the surrounding darkness
And all the laughing voices
Those who think about my choices
And laugh ,he was so gullible
But I guess that’s now a fable

I’m trying to think of another
Another reason to see another day
I think of my mother
And what she will ever say
You’re the best version of you
And no one matters more than you

I’m still tongue tied
Thinking of a way to end this
This loathsome journey ,filled with torments
My head and heart,for different reasons ,fried
I’m happy she’s mine ,not his
And we no longer care about the nasty comments

My life at 120km/h right now
And my eyes open wide
My heart barely beats anymore
I guess it was time to reap what I did some
And maybe for once ,with God’s timing abide
I rammed into her car ,and all was now sore

Going through the same situation
Wobbling out of our vehicles
Staring at one another ,and our lips did move
Too weak to state our conditions
We fell to the ground,as went the cycle
And finally,I did fall in love 😂

All in ❤️

I might regret this later
But if it don’t the better
I’m thinking of it , thinking of what to say
But the words I say this time got no pay
But Imma do my thing regardless
I bet if it fails I’ll be heartless

Dripping blood from my last
I can’t help but remember the past
It comes to me you when I walk
Sometimes I can’t even talk
I’ll still be here nevertheless
If this fails I’ll be heartless

I know I have issues
Issues that if I speak out ,out will come tissues
Maybe I’ll be an Eilish
And sing while looking stale
Her songs actually do my soul brush
And I end up looking pale

Enough of that
At least I didn’t lose , she called me a rat
A rat that was devoured and left there by her cat
Damn I think I lost my hat
Well all she wanted she got
And from her dead skin I made her hot

But it’s part of life I guess
Eventhough my life she did mess
I saw hope actually
Although I’m dead partially
Cause my drug broke of her case so solemn
And left me with heart problems

I felt something, something good
Better than I thought it would
I got a bit of it
A bit of the love I saved
My happiness was long ago thrown into a pit
Memories as I stand there , dazed

I remember how my eyes did Glow
And a smile on a former frown
Fresh air to my heart she did blow
Happiness once lost,now in it I ever drown
A smile ,this time ,not a fake one 
Battle seemingly won

And now ,it’s new
Renewed ,just us ,no crew
Me and I , talking with smiles
We have a feeling of no more lies
And finally I can say aloud
Damn ,you left me,I’m proud

And this time ,I’ll be more sure
More determined and my soul pure
Words I mean ,not only to lure
Cause I found my cure
And now to an all time high myself I pin
I’m going all in 😉

Hope in a tear 💧

I tend to think a lot at night
When my troubles come to life
And I try to put up a fight
I always thought that all I needed was a wife
Or maybe someone to call my own
But well ,it all ends in tears and a frown

My nights longer than my days
My mind carving out ways
New strategies ,same old results
I stare into the darkness
And I soak in all the consults,all the insults
And I cry myself to virtual happiness

Sighing and soaking my pillow
No one to even offer a tissue
My soul facing ,turmoils and a bigger issue billow
I have an issue
But I guess everyone is mad at me now
I mess everything,but if only you would know

Fake a smile in the day
In the night ,talk to myself
Argue and wonder how I treated you that way
Nothing on my shelf
Nothing but regrets for my unaware actions
梁梁Failed are all my tried petitions

I wish I could say what is inside
What eats me up inside ,as I lay no one beside
Have to wipe a tear to continue with this
But I believe,I’m gonna make it
And I know I am His
And I’ll do my best ,not to fall into a depression pit

Everyday I’ll wake up and say I’m fine
Maybe sit down and take a sip of wine
Try to spark my lost flame
But I guess it burnt my whole house ,leaving me with the blame
My soul cries ,not sure what for
But well ,that’s what I get for being such a bore

梁 Relaxation music never works
And my room smells like dirty socks
My burdened soul aches for a good night sleep
One with sweet dreams,and not one in which I weep
How long ,I wonder
How long will things remain asunder

But I became one with the sorrow
It’s like a space in my body it did borrow 
And my pillow,drenched by morning
And my happiness slowly going
And tears my new best friend
They be with me , till the end

My weary heart , probably now diseased
And my sorrow increased
And out comes my tears
For years and they tell me each time ,roe years
Don’t worry bro ,as we drop
And drop ,we give you hope ,my tear ,a sign unforeseen retribution, hopefully,after my flop

True love

A wife to be I thought I found
And loved me I thought she did
Little did I know,she was like the community playing ground
My rivals and friends walk in and out
That she for years hid
She was one ,in for the clout

It kills me inside ,can’t help it
Gave her my all ,I thought she would too
She slowly turned from mine to a free hit
I even called her boo
I was swimming in love
But now drowning ,a lifeline perhaps,a dove

She was sweet at first
Guess even ripe fruits go sour
She quenched my love hunger and thirst
But all that to the ground she did pour
And now ,only left with a broken heart and a dead stare
My life ,desolate and bare

Love her I still do ,no doubt
She did find me when I was worn out
And she went up and about
Changed my life ,and made me a better man
She was my oasis in my time of drought
And to my lyrics was my biggest fan

I still remember the pain
That filled me when I heard her talk to another
And tell him how she missed his smother
Notice she didn’t ,and wanted me on that day she did
But for what gain
Sorry ,I couldn’t do it ,not after I fell down the grid

Tears fell from my eyes
As eyes reassured that which my ears heard
As I saw her ,in a blue denim
I couldn’t believe my eyes
As she held him
And a kiss on her lips ,and off she was carried ,so bad

For 2 days she was there
I felt so alone ,deep in my chest in here
But I did to remember
That my seed was with another 
But when she came back
I showed her the photos,she cried and tried pulling me back

But when I went ,she drank ,no food
When I came back , worn out she was
And on my bed , almost lifeless
Rushed her to hospital ,did her good
And she survived,with an unknown baby
Had all been forgiven,maybe

Tears fell ,when she came round
And my soul relieved ,when it was said she was safe and sound
I felt like giving her up
On her ,on love
I’m not sure if I was ready to rejoin the club
But one word ,returned all sent from above

I didn’t wanna lose her ,she loved me more than my sis
She took a step that most couldn’t
She said she’s sorry
I didn’t wanna leave her after ,I couldn’t
And ,we left ,with no longer a worry
Bond fixed ,no more issues
No more lonely nights with lots of tissues
If that’s not true love ,I donno what is

Why?

Conflict in my head
How I wished to be dead
She took my heart and made it bleed
Because of her lust and greed
I never knew it would hurt that bad
But wow ,it was worse than I heard

I remember the day
When,I came to her ,with something to say
Something troubling my mind
My heart felt a connection,
This time not a superstition
I had a feeling that I did finally find…

Propose I did ,for a first date at least
And she accepted,we had a feast
Heart and mind all at peace
Little did I know that would cease
Sooner than I could say when
Let my best friend tell the story ,my pen

My innocence proved a big test
She wanted to give me the best
But questionable,by a first timer
And an amateur rhymer
And as she said , straight to the point were her lines
I want you to loosen all your bodily confines

She took advantage of me ,said it was sweet
Our whole bodies touched, that she did later tweet
And in one and a minute
It was gone,never to return
And so was she , leaving me  destitute
There ,the guilt ,why? That I had no answer do  solemn

And after being the laugh of the school ,
Treated  and played like a fool
She left me for her
I ,like a flower that did wither
I fell out of her life
The life of one I saw as a wife

Beaten I was by his new
Asked me about what I knew
And since I knew none
I was battered and bruised ,right under the sun
And I was left there , helpless
With a broken heart and bone,the pain was endless
But the big question remains why
Why did she do that to one so shy